The Doctor's Ferrari

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new
Ferrari GTO It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs
him
$500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. An old man on a
Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man
looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got
there,
sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the doctor
proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then,
sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car,
all right, but I'll stick with my Moped!" < BR>
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man
just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the
speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view
mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going
faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He floors the
accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him,
he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could
pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 Mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror
and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes
The Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The
Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the
rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is
still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My Gosh! Is
there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers:.... "Unhook ... My suspenders .... From your ...
Side view ... Mirror."

Cussin

A six year old and a four year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what? ' says the six year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The four year old nods his head in approval. The six year old continues,

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with "hell" and you say something with "ass."

The four year old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the six year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,

"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the four year old and asks with a stern voice,

"And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

My Father is a Dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did
for a living. All the typical answers came up; fireman, mechanic,
businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

But little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the
teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father ' s an exotic
dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other
men and they put money in his underwear.

Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy
andmake love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to
ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and
is helping to secure the nomination of Hillary Clinton, but I was too
embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Maude and Claude

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in The Villages, in Florida

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that
they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for
dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely
evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite his age, they ended up at his place for an after-dinner
drink.Things continued along a natural course and age being no
inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the
hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared,
each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....

Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been
gentler."

Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken
off my pantyhose.